You know I was really looking forward to Superman Returns. I felt that tonight I would have my summer popcorn escapism movie experience. I would get the taste of X3 out of my mouth and see why Bryan Singer had left the project to Brett Ratner hell to create the next great comic book movie (fuck you Singer X-men are way better characters). But, I would soon find out that Comic Book nerds can ruin a fucking movie very easily. To back track lets start at the beginning of the night. I knew it would take me about 20 minutes to get to Times Square on the 1 train so I figured I should leave an hour earily. Upon arrival I see that there is a line already formed outside the Times Square AMC 25 theater. I thought to myself "I guess I will have to wait a little bit to get it eh". So I simple retrived my preordered ticket from the instant ticket machine (thanks Fandango) and decided to get in line. But to my surprise I quickly saw that I was already in over my head. The line was filled with bubbley dorks dressed in full Superman regalia. From Superman tshirts to fucking pajama pants. As well to my suprise I found that the line stretched all around the block to behind the theater. So 15 minutes later when the line finally got me into my seat I was ready, time to see Superman kick some ass. But I would soon find out that all I would be partaking in was a fanboy-dork orgy. So the Spiderman 3 trailer comes on, fucking cheers from everyone, I guess that was cool I mean this audience was pumped, right, wrong it was forshadowing for a bad movie going experience. Then after 10 fucking years of more trailers the movie started. Cheering for the opening marquee that set up the story, seprete cheers for every fucking name on the opening credit. Cheers for producers names, directors names, fucking music composers names (yeah we get it John Williams makes good movie scores)! It was starting to get bad, but it would soon get fucking worse. Every fucking time Superman scratched his nuts the movie would have to be interrupted so dorks in Superman tshirts could orgasam in their fucking pants about how cool that scene was but cheering like it was the climax of the movie. Hey, there is nothing wrong with cheering at a great scene, but every 2 minutes is fucking lame and annoying. I know what some of you are thinking, why do I get to be Ranty McRanterson? Because I paid 10.75 to see a movie, not to hear dorks scream out in extacy everytime there was a inside joke that was from the comics, it was like they had to say "hey I get this inside joke because I am a comic book dork, I better cheer for myself because I am so versed in comic books, who cares if people can't hear the fucking movie because I am better than them, I wish I had a girlfriend". By the end I was so pissed off I stopped getting into the movie because I was already writing this ranted out blog in my head (which was way better worded and funnier in my head at the time but I am tired so I just wanted to get to brass tact or is it brass tack?, whatever). The only time I liked having these annoying chap sessions was when the dorks standed in the ever lame Movie standing ovation so I could exit quickly but not without yelling "MEDICORE!" as loud as I could before leaving. I guess they thought if they stayed and cheered long enough the cast and crew would magically appear and suck them the fuck off! I will never see a comic book movie in the commerical part of a big city again. No more comic book movies in Times Square, Hollywood Blvd. or even Michigan Ave. As for the movie...its no Batman Begins, I mean Superman is too powerful and his weakness of a mineral is lame, he can kick everyones ass without getting scratched so it seeing God throw thunder at crimals for two hours . I guess it is up to Miami Vice to save me from Summer movie hell, I am glad that nerds don't see Michael Mann movies...I think?
