Internship Stories Vol. 1

As you might know, for my internship I work the 1-800 phone line for a popular American syndicated talk show. Because of the whole blog about your job and get in trouble thing I will not say the name, but anyone reading this blog should know what show I work for (again the simple hint of "you are not the father"). So all the crazy people out there that want to be on the show talk to me. Let me give you a rundown of some of the more memorable calls I have recieved in the two weeks I have worked there.

Story 1: This Story left me numb
A white middle aged southern gentleman (redneck) called in to apply for a lie dectector test show. His girlfriend has accused him of being a cheating bastard and he wanted to prove his innocence. The reason she blamed him for this was because she was sucking his cock and her mouth went numb. She then said that the only reason for was this because he had used a condom right before arriving at her house and he must have been with another woman. The man claimed that his side of the story was that he had been "playing wit himself...jeez this is embarrasing...I was using a lube/cream that I hadn't used before and it was why she went numb". I hope this makes it to the show somehow.

Story 2: Underage Hookers trapped in underground Las Vegas
A woman called in to tell me that we needed to expose a terrible problem in Las Vegas. I was informed by this woman that underage child prostitutes were being held against their will in tunnels underground in Las Vegas. And these evil businessmen who were doing it would bring them up for a trick and force them back in to their underground prison when the deed was done. I was shocked to hear this and did remember the line "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" but I had to inform her that we usually don't do that story.

Story 3: 12 Year olds don't know how to prank call.
When I was a Jr high or even High School student, I was a masterful artist in the craft of making prank calls. Growing up listening to the works of The Jerky Boys, I knew the method and madness to the art. But these kids today don't know shit. Half of my calls at the show go like this...
caller: Hi is this the (name removed) Show?
me: Yes it is.
caller: I WANT TO SUCK YOUR DICK

or

Caller: Hi is this the (name removed) Show?
me: yup whats your story?
Caller: YOUR A FAG!!!!!!!

Kids listen, prank calling is a art. You need to have a well defined backstory and character (usually some sort of ethnic sterotype) and the call has to go somewhere. Kids today have no creativity (fuck you MTV). But at the same time I love these calls because they don't expect to hear someone say

Caller: (insert 13 year old comment)
Me: Well thats great and all, but not only did that suck as a prank call, but you just committed Ethnics Code 13, a mistmeanor in the state of New York and your phone number has been forwarded to the FBI.
Caller:awww...please I am sorry...goodbye
(AND THEN ME LAUGHS A LOT W/ MANY LOL'S)

So basically what I am saying is this is the best internship I have had, well its only the second but it beats last summer working for Dane Cook (his new material is mediocre and he is not funny in movies).

More Updates to come!